The Anti-Trendy Wisdom Of Dads
Why not to leave your gratitude for Father's Day.
“And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
"When you comin' home, son?"
"I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
You know we'll have a good time then"
-Harry Chapin, “Cat’s Cradle”
In the aftermath of Father’s Day, consider, if you would:
dad bods, dad jokes, dad hats.
Each of those phrases carries a kind of affectionate mockery—suggesting “Dad” might be a step behind on the latest trends, fitness regimens, or punchlines.
Which, fair.
Dads and trends usually mix like baking soda and vinegar. Not just untrendy—anti-trendy. Just ask the dad who “innocently” wonders how TikTok relates to clocks, or what your new tattoo really means… even when he already knows exactly what it means.
But maybe that dad-disconnect isn’t just cluelessness or curmudgeonly resistance.
Maybe it’s the result of a pivot—a shift the world’s good dads make from focusing on themselves to focusing on those around them.
Things like cleverness, trendiness and the performance of taste are all, fundamentally, rooted in self-expression. Which is wonderful, don’t get us wrong.
But when you’re grinding through a not-so-fun job, packing the car for a family trip, fixing bikes, unclogging the toilet, or knocking out any number of thankless tasks—not because you want to, but because someone else needs you to—that self-expression gets shelved.
Dad has no bandwidth for “cool” because he’s busy making sure everyone else keeps theirs.
Which is hwy that sometimes frustrating Dad ethos—of eating leftovers on principle, of caring just barely enough about fashion—actually carries a quiet wisdom:
That the self we put at the center of our lives in youth, eventually gets eclipsed by something bigger: love, responsibility, other people.
That maybe the things we spend so much time worrying about… aren’t really the things worth worrying about at all.
Dads, in all their goofy determination, remind us that one day, we will no longer be the main character in our own lives. That what we give and build and show up for matters more than what we post or wear or aspire to be. That our own joy might someday take a backseat to someone else’s.
And listen—not every dad gets it right. Some never quite step up, or grow up, or show the love they should. Which is a bonafide tragedy, every single time.
But for those of us lucky enough to have—or know—the kind of dads who do show up (with their flaws and foibles) to teach us competence and care and consistency… a call on Father’s Day just doesn’t cut it.
That’s why we waited until today to send this edition of The Cure:
As a friendly reminder not to leave your gratitude towards old dad for once a year.
He probably doesn’t get that much credit, and asks for even less.
So, you know, out of the blue just text him to see how his bad knee is doing. Talk to him about his favorite sports team, or the local weather, or his job, or yours. Laugh at the same old jokes, listen to the same stories.
Because if we’re being grimly honest…the old man isn’t getting any younger.
One day, his finger won’t be there to pull.
And we know that in this busy and harried world, it’s easy to say--as the Harry Chapin lyrics paraphrase in his gut punch of a song--sure dad, we’ll get together sometime and have a good time then.
Don’t do that. Don’t say “sometime, Dad.”
Make some time for Dad, while there’s still time to make.
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